My Phoney Personality

You may have noticed that when certain people get in the drivers seat, their personality does an abrupt U turn? Normally friendly and considerate, they become aggressive and rude, borderline terrorists, on the highway. Or, usually confident and assured, they become timidity personified? Something similar happens to me, not when I pick up the car keys, but when I receive an unsolicited call from a stranger. I refer to this as my phoney personality. Looking back over the last 40 years, I realize that my phoney personality has been changing with time; in fact I recognize at least 4 distinct phases of evolution.

Phase 1-Denis the Menace

Back in the 60's when I was a young man, the Indian phone system was erratic; people dialed one number and often got another. I frequently received calls meant for someone else and if I was in a bad mood, things got a little interesting.

One day, I came home on a 105 degree day traveling on very hot, uncomfortable buses and was taking a nap. At this time the phone rang and woke me up. I was slightly irritated. The caller then asked me Doctor Kapoor, have you decided to sell your car? Though I am not Dr. Kapoor, I replied that yes, I had decided to sell my car. Well then, can we meet tomorrow and discuss the transaction? he asked. I replied I have already made a deal with another party. But doctor you promised that I would have first shot at it, he protested. I told him Look, I know that you are very cheap and will try to bargain me to death, so when someone made me a good offer, I took it. I dont have time to waste on you, so I sold it. With that I put down the receiver. I still wonder what happened at the next meeting between this man and Dr. Kapoor.

On another occasion, I received a call for a Mr. Shah. The caller said Hi Mr. Shah, how are you? I said I am doing just fine, how are you doing? He then asked Mr. Shah, we had discussed about an internship for my son at your factory, is it still open? I said Send him over Monday morning at 8am. He was very happy and asked Will he get paid or will it be unpaid? I am very generous with other peoples money so I said He will get 300 rupees a month, which in those days was a good salary. He got bolder and asked me whether there would be any promotions in the future. Now I got a little irritated, I had offered an internship and paid training but this person was already asking about promotions; he was being too greedy. So I replied Well if he works hard and is intelligent, he surely will be promoted, but if he is an idiot like you he wont last long, because you cant even dial a number correctly. With this I put down the receiver.

Phase 2-The phase of peaceful co-existence.

My phone personality changed when I came to the USA. There were rarely any wrong numbers. The only strangers who called me were telemarketers. They were usually selling long distance services and were giving away 2 to 3 hours of free long distance. They were very professional in their approach and I was very polite (I assure you that it had nothing to do with the free giveaways). The phone calls and my replies were very boring but civilized; if the Dalai Lama were present, he would have smiled beatifically and called it The phase of peaceful co-existence.

Phase 3-The sucker phase

The next phase was the sucker or fall guy phase. It started very quietly, almost unknown to me. . The telemarketers started out offering credit cards. When I told them I had a credit card, they offered me a silver version, which made me feel somewhat rich. I fell for this. Next they offered me gold, I fell for that too. Then they progressed to platinum and titanium which I fell for also. Having exhausted this avenue, the telemarketers got more daring-they started selling garden fertilizing, chimney cleaning, appliance warranties, auto plans etc. I ended up buying many services which I did not really need. The turning point was when I realized that somehow, I was being charged dental insurance for my dog, which was ironical because I did not have dental insurance for myself. Even more incredible, I did not own a dog. I realized I had been fooled. At this stage I rebelled and decided to fight back against all telemarketers.

Phase 4- Rebellion

Thus began the current Phase 4- the rebellion phase. I decided to myself that Telemarketers are people who take a second job trying to sell you things you dont need so they can have extra income and buy things they dont need. Once I put it this way, I had no qualms about lying or behaving rudely towards these pests.

At first, I would tell them I was having my dinner and they would excuse themselves. Later, I realized that this was too insipid. Now, when they call I play a tape which says Thank you for calling the Khera residence. All family members are busy attending to other telemarketers. Your call is important to us and will be attended to as soon as a family member is available. Meanwhile, we do offer the following options. If you are selling insurance, please dial 1-800-premium. If you are offering a credit card, please dial 1-800-late-fee. If you are selling long distance, please dial 1-900-slamming. If you are selling dental dog insurance, please dial 1-888-canines. Occasionally I hear some cursing at the other end, which gives me a lot of satisfaction, and inspires me to conjure up new and interesting messages for telemarketers.

Phase 5?

Trr ring, trr... ring, there goes my phone. Sound like another telemarketer. Excuse me while I go and check it out. Who knows, maybe another facet of my phone personality will emerge.

Golf Ball Precept Mc Lady
Aol Video Wets Her Diaper In The Office
Dunlop Loco Pro Golf Balls
Free List Of Fax Numbers
Wholesale Disposable Baby Diaper
Diaper I Love Wearing
Diaper And Pantie Story
Girl Diaper Story Punishment
Diaper Videos
Baby Bag Diaper Einstein
Toronto Fax Numbers
Chocolate Golf Ball
Dog Diapers
Women Forced To Wear Diaper
Changing Diaper Disposable Pad
Diaper Services In Connecticut
Premium Prefold Cloth Diapers
Maxfli Golf Ball
Peg Perego Diaper Bag
Girl Forced To Use Diaper
High Heels Jeans
College Logo Golf Ball
Huggies Diaper Coupons
Golf Ball Rating Websites
Voice Fax Voice Mail Toll Free Number Online
Golf Ball Washer
Emt Community College Phoenix
Custom Golf Ball
High Heels Pgts